Surviving Family politics at Christmas
“If you think you’re enlightened, then visit your family at the week-end!” – Ram Dass
Many clients tell me how difficult family relationships have affected them at various points in their lives. As adults, we start to have control who we spend time with and who influences us in our lives, but Christmas time is the one time where obligations overrule those choices.
Homeopathy always makes connections with our emotional well-being and our physical complaints. The body reflects our subconscious and will always try to express what you are consciously trying to repress. It’s as if it’s saying “I’m going to express this hurt/anger/upset (fill in the blank) if you don’t!”. So it is important to heal old upsets to ensure future health and well-being.
Our usual response to others when they misjudge us or don’t give us the respect we deserve is to direct anger and judgement towards them – this then creates dramas between people as the battle zones are drawn up. After many years those zones becomes entrenched and you no longer see them as thinking/feeling humans but more as one-dimensional pantomime villains. One common rubric I use to find a remedy for a client in such situations is ‘dwelling on past disagreeable occurrences’.
The holistic way of approaching this matter is to see that people and situations that happen ‘to us’ are a mirror to ourselves. No, it doesn’t mean that you are a horrible person, it just means that you are not judging yourself correctly. To illustrate this, when you feel on top of the world or in love you temporally become immune to adverse circumstances/people in your life. It would be even more beneficial if this was a permanent state of affairs.
I was reminded of this myself a couple of years ago. I used to find myself regularly in situations such as social gatherings where relative strangers would suddenly ‘attack’ me because I was a homeopath. Their accusations were that I was doing very dangerous things to people such as giving them false hope and telling them not to take medication, whilst taking their money. This stirred up feelings of guilt and victimisation because I had not initiated the argument.
I knew I had to stop being angry and upset with the person, as this would perpetuate the drama inside me. Instead I let the situation tell me what I believed about myself that didn’t help me – which was that I felt responsible for other’s feelings and well-being, and I was scared if they were not happy with me. Once I could see this belief that I held clearly, it became obvious to me that it simply wasn’t true. Then it became easy to ditch this belief about myself, which made me feel much lighter and freer in all encounters with other people. I no longer had to engineer my circumstances in life so much in order to feel ok.
I work with my clients to help eliminate their emotional buttons, so that they become immune to the dramas that others wish to engage in. In doing so it can be seen that there is no need to improve ourselves (as many self-help books advocate), because once we get rid of our false beliefs of who we are meant to be, we see that we are already perfect! then we can start redefining who we really want to be – see Are you getting what you want out of life?
So one path to heal old upsets that have never been resolved is to allow yourself to be out of your emotional comfort-zone AKA Christmas family gatherings and use this as a learning tool to overcome past traumas and incorrect beliefs about yourself.